1. BEGIN BY TYPING EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS!  IT GETS YOU NOTICED.  GO TO SYW AND CRITIQUE EVERYTHING THAT MOVES LEAVING CRYPTIC UNHELPFUL TIPS LIKE I ALMOST BELIEVED YOUR POEM…OR THAT REMINDS ME OF A DREAM I HAD...in WESTERN…or I’m feeling sorta funny after reading your post in Romance. 

2. Make the Moderators work.  That’s right, Private Message them about every inside joke you don’t get.  Leave negative comments with additional insults on the side.  Get personal with one or…

It's not something I'm proud of, but it's 100% true. 

There was this moment a few years ago when I was about to break it into the big leagues. I'd been asked to pen a weekly column for a newspaper.  I could say I was a columnist.  I could boast of my writing bonifides. 

For three weeks, I thought I dazzled the folks with my deathless prose.  I bought my mother a subscription. 

Then I was replaced.

My mom called.

She told me that there was now a column being…

I know the saying is, "Act like you've been there."  But I haven't. So I don't know how to act.  

The one thing I've never been in my entire life, is cool, so having my manuscript examined and considered for the first time, isn't the point at which I will decide to practice being detatched.

From the moment I was told, send us your full manuscript, I felt sick to my stomach.  She needed polishing.  She'd been mine for five years but I knew she had rough spots.  Still, I'd been…

"Hey Mom! What kind of money do you think you'll make when you sell your book?" my 16 year old daughter asked, her eyes covetously imagining J.K. Rowling type riches of a mansion and a yacht.

"I haven't sold it yet. It's just being considered." I answered. Yeah, I'd like that sort of success, who wouldn't...and then I started wondering, was that why I was doing this? To win Life's lotto?

No. Sure I'd like to be able to help out my family but I'd have written anyway. I'd been…