Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by David Pollard on July 2, 2012 at 7:31pm

Jeff,

A lot of times we see things in others that we dislike in ourselves.  You have to  accept people where they are in life. We are all at different places in our journey. Acceptance and love are the keys. Try and look for the positive traits in others, not the negative. It can be tough to do this sometimes.

Permalink Reply by Jon Stuen-Parker on July 2, 2012 at 11:14pm

Jeff,

I accept the old truth: one third will like you; one third won't like you; and one third doesn't care. You adjust the percentages but it will still be one third - one third - one third. In short, try not to dislike people. Spend time and energy with people you like. If forced to associate with dislikeable people, then try to find something positive. Turn the pain into gain. These situations can generate great book ideas.

Permalink Reply by Candace "Zee" Zorowitz on July 3, 2012 at 9:55am

The quick answer is yes. It is possible.

The longer answer is that you make a lot of choices during the day that will impact your experience. We make choices about what we see, who we see, and where we place ourselves. Awareness of our moods and current life-situations can help us make choices about how we react or view the situation or person. Being compassionate and being able to understand another point of view can also impact our experience.

From a spiritual standpoint, if we are reacting to someone, I think it's an opportunity to explore why this person came into our life. Is there something for us to learn from the situation or person? Why are we having this reaction?

Permalink Reply by jeff herman on July 3, 2012 at 11:35am

But how many people truly know, like and accept themselves?

Permalink Reply by Candace "Zee" Zorowitz on July 3, 2012 at 11:44am

Good point. I think that's the process of maturation - working on yourself, seeing who you are, getting comfortable with that or making appropriate changes. They say you can't really love others if you don't love yourself. I think it's true. You have more compassion for others, when you love yourself.

Permalink Reply by David Pollard on July 3, 2012 at 12:27pm

Not liking or loving yourself can be a major stumbling block in a relationship.

Working to achieve a stable foundation in your own life is a vital prerequisite to giving and receiving love. Building this anchor takes time and effort in order to grow strong and mature. When a person is comfortable with their inner self and living a life guided by the spirit of God, they are prepared to venture out in this world to seek love from another. They will have the necessary tools at their disposal to be able to line up with their partner physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Permalink Reply by Sondra Sneed on July 3, 2012 at 12:42pm

I was once writing while having dinner at a restaurant.  A woman of enviable figure and thick blonde hair sits down with her husband near me, and they begin talking.  Her voice was nasally and loud, their conversation was about so much nothing I immediately stopped writing and could not restart.  I asked my source, "how am I to sit here and work with her blathering on?"  

My source said to imagine myself pulling her from a burning car; to imagine I have saved her life.  In so doing she became a life-long friend to me. Just as I ignore what bothers me about my companions, I was able to ignore her banal conversation and go back to writing.

When we see in others their humanity and need, and we imagine our ability to help them, we are not so upset by what we think they are but enjoy what we can be for them. 

Permalink Reply by jeff herman on July 3, 2012 at 12:53pm

Well said!

Permalink Reply by Jon Stuen-Parker on July 3, 2012 at 11:48pm

Hi Jeff and Sondra Sneed,

Jeff wrote: "But how many people truly know, like and accept themselves?" Sondra Sneed wrote: "we imagine our ability to help them."

We must face fear to discover ourselves. Fear is very close to love. When I'm boxing and fearing death, I keep fighting and become victorious. This always brings a strong feeling of love. I become very humble and try not to hurt my opponent.

We also need to HELP people, not "imagine our ability to help them."

Instead, many Americans choose easy (but unfulfilled) living. The below writing was taken from my journal:

"Inside Dunkin Dounuts (Old Colony Avenue). No hunger. Forced down bagel and muffin. Need 10 pounds for August 10^th boxing weigh-in.

Today helped clean apartment, then hit 'L' Street. Put iodine on hand gashes. Yesterday couldn't hit speedbag. Counted 25-30 gashes, scrapes and missing skin patches. James Frey described painful injuries in A Million Little Pieces. Most injuries not mentioned again. Pure bullshit. Injuries linger and linger. Much fraud in Frey’s book. But many Americans loved it. Obviously, many Americans suffer pampered lives.

 ~6:10pm

Heading home from 'L' Street. Enjoyed steam, sauna and naked-ocean dip. Hit speedbag with right hand, put iodine on left hand.

14 days to fight (Aug 11th). Boxing fear lessens worries, especially financial and FBI worries."

Permalink Reply by Sondra Sneed on July 4, 2012 at 10:34am

Hi Jon,

While I completely appreciate your point, you have taken my comment out of its context and therefore changed its meaning.  

Jeff asks "why is it common to dislike other people."  I summited that it is our imagination that causes us to dislike.  When we imagine them as humans who need, we can imagine ourselves as humans who can help.  "Dislike" is an imaginative process. If however, we see ourselves as loving, we see others who need. This disarms our imagination and removes our dislike.

I think you are justified in your position without using my comment as your platform for stating it :).  A very interesting one indeed.

Permalink Reply by Jon Stuen-Parker on July 4, 2012 at 12:07am

Dear Candace,

You wrote: "You have more compassion for others, when you love yourself." That is exactly right! People need to understand themselves, then feel good about their role in this world. Not only care about money and pleasure. When helping others you feel love. You feel love for others and you feel love for yourself.

It seems the world has too little love. We need more people helping others. We need more people like you to spread this important message. Thanks.

 

Permalink Reply by Candace "Zee" Zorowitz on July 4, 2012 at 8:30am

Thanks John. I think we live in a time of great confusion where we become distanced not only from other people, but ourselves. It's difficult to set aside quiet time to ensure we our finding our "role in the world", as you wrote. If we're missing our role or mission, we end up living unsatisfying lives.

The more we connect with others, the more likely we are to offer a helping hand. Glad you're on the path too.

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